I moved to Texas in 2009. I was working a new job and far from family and long-time friends. That’s when I suffered my third miscarriage.
My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for two years. So we were elated when the pregnancy test came back positive. Finally, it had worked! However, we visited the doctor often. My husband and I suspected we had some kind of genetic incompatibility, and so we were on top of it—and anxious. And then came the news at nine weeks. The baby wasn’t growing. There was no heartbeat. We waited one more week to confirm, and then the doctor scheduled the D&E.
I was devastated. I was growing older; I felt this was my last chance. Grief kept me up at night. I cried often and at nothing. I didn’t know who to turn to. I was seeing a counselor, but I ached for further support. That’s when a friend told me about a new group—Cradled by Love, Hope, and Healing.
I was skeptical at first. This group met in a church, and I’m Jewish. I called to make sure it was okay to attend. They said indeed it was, and welcomed me with open arms.
I remember the journey Cradled brought me through. It was a hard one, and it often felt like my wounds were being torn open anew, but at the end of the six weeks, I felt stronger. Not completely healed—I don’t think any group could do that—but stronger. I could continue on.
The exercise I most remember was selecting a rock and writing a message to my future self. I chose to mark the rock with the word “Hope.” It has grown smoother over time, and the writing has slightly faded, but I still have that beautiful stone.
My story is not all filled with sadness. In 2007 I was able to give birth to a beautiful baby girl, and after suffering one further miscarriage in 2011, I adopted another beautiful baby girl. The women that I met at Cradled all had different stories from mine. Some of them were grieving their first loss; others had experienced multiple losses. Still others had gone through stillbirths. We were all broken, but through our stories, we grew stronger. Cradled with Love, Hope, and Healing is one I can’t praise enough. It helped me through the worst time of my life. I would urge anyone suffering with this type of sadness to attend.
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